Shriken

[Shriken Trasel]

Name: Shriken
Species:Terrisman
Class:
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Primary Residence: Luthadel
Occupation: Thief
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Martial Status: Single

For Feruchemists
Metals Used: Bronze; earring, left. Iron; circlet, (sides of the head pierced; under hair). Tin; Armlets 4, both upper arms (covered by jerkin). Pewter; Anklets, both ankles (under pants).
Status: known
Keeper: No

Appearance:
He is a tall man, with darker skin. As a thief, he lives to his own standards and keeps his hair long. His eyes are a dark shade of brown, nearly black. He has a strong jaw, and high cheekbones. The man has no softness about his features that makes him intimidating, and he looks serious most of the time. Shriken is tall at just over six feet tall. He generally wears dark red pants with a black sash holding them up, as well as a short sleeved jerkin, just covering his armlets. Even when he tries, it's impossible for him to try to hide. He has a proud stride, but shuffles around and bows his head whenever nobility or Inquisitors are near. He carries a bulging water-skin constantly, due to his life on the road. He also carries a series of sharpened stakes strapped to his left wrist and thigh. He has several knifes, but doesn't use them often, as part of his early training he learned about allomancy, preferring his stakes. He has a long scar running across his chest from left to right. Scars also run down his back due to floggings received at the hands of the bandit crew.

Personality:
His primary mode of living is focused internally, where he takes things in primarily via his intuition. His secondary mode is external, where he deals with things rationally and logically.
He lives in the world of ideas and strategic planning. He values intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which he continuously strives to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, he has similar expectations of others.
With introverted intuition dominating his personality, he focuses his energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. His mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. He is tremendously insightful and usually is very quick to understand new ideas. However, his primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. he does not follow an idea as far as he possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. He is driven to come to conclusions about ideas. His need for closure and organization usually requires that he take some action.
It is not easy for the him to express his internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of his thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, he is driven to translate his ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of his thoughts. He usually doesn't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing his ideas, which are non-linear. However, his extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate him to explain himself to another person who he feels is deserving of the effort.
He is a natural leader, although he usually chooses to remain in the background until he sees a real need to take over the lead. When he is in leadership roles, he is quite effective, because he is able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and is adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. He is the supreme strategist - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against his current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.
He spends a lot of time inside his own mind, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. He may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing his ideas.
His interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that he encounters into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, he is quick to express judgments. He has very evolved intuition, and is convinced that he is right about most things. Unless he complements his intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express his insights, he finds himself frequently misunderstood. In these cases, he tends to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on his own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause him to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.
He is ambitious, self-confident, deliberate long-range thinker. He dislikes messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. He values clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating his insights into structured patterns.
Other people may have a difficult time understanding him. he may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the He is not overly demonstrative of his affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, he simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the He as being rigid and set in his ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because he is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement his ideas. He is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.
When under a great deal of stress, the He may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, sensate activities, such as over-drinking. he may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that he would not normally consider important to his overall goal.
He needs to remember to express himself sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing his communication abilities, he may become abrupt and short with people, an isolationist.
He has a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. he has insight into the Big Picture, and is driven to synthesize his concepts into solid plans of action. his reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. He is most always a highly competent person, and will not have a problem meeting his career or education goals. he has the capability to make great strides in these areas. On a personal level, he practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating his insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

History:
He was born a simple Terrisman and as most of the Terris males, was castrated soon after birth, but when he was 12 his home was raided by thieves. He was the only one of his village to survive. The bandits left him for dead. He followed their band for seven weeks, but was caught by one of their sentries who then took the young Terrisman in as an apprentice. This skaa bandit was the one who had beaten him unconscious in his home. The man who killed his friends. The man was cruel to Shrike, beating him frequently, trying to rid Shrike of his training. He fought his way up in the ranks, doing whatever needed to be done. When he was 18 he succeeded in killing his master after four other attempts, and ran away to Luthadel, because the band was going to strike a small town nearby and it was the closest place he could get to. He was chased for a day and a half by the bandits, he neither slept nor ate during that time and thinks back on it frequently. He has lived on the streets since then. Living off of money that he could earn doing odd jobs for any crew he could, he eventually earned enough, and gained several friends in a certain crew, that he joined a squad based crew. He was the tactician and strategist as well as a special force unit, because of his odd fighting style.


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Roleplay Example:
Shriken walked towards his home. School had just ended for this young steward. On his way home, he passed his usual friends, the old man at the library, the women at the bakery. Shrike smiled, familiarity is always good. Suddenly a bell rang out. Confused, Shrike looked around. What does the bell mean?! He had never heard of such a thing in his small village. A skaa runs towards him, brandishing something. Shrike sidesteps and half turns. His eyes widen. The skaa had killed the old man! He ran, he ran for his life. He ran blindly in the direction of his home. The horrible thing was... that was the direction the man had come from! Shrike burst into his home. Another skaa, uglier than the first was in his home! His family lay dead on the floor, the other children his age slaughtered. His eyes blazed, one of his brothers crawled forward, missing his left arm and bleeding profusely from the neck. He presses a small bracer into Shrike's hand... then he dies. Standing, Shrike raised the bracer to his arm, snapping it on, a little hook catches on his arm, entering it. He winces, than stands straight, fire burning in his normally docile eyes. Raising the arm with the bracer, he runs at the skaa who had invaded his home. The skaa struck out, slicing a long line into shrike's chest. Shrike fell back, not sure how to continue. A sound from behind him catches his attention. He turns, expecting an attack from behind... It never came. The original skaa had kicked something behind him. The skaa struck out, catching Shrike on the side of the head with the pommel. Shrike falls to the ground. Defeated.


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First time applications ONLY
Nickname: Shrike
Where you found Steel Ministry: Alarat Venture
Contract: Yes

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[Ruin]

Overall I like him. In fact once you edit him I would love to have a thread with him and Aen (my kandra!) But first there are a few things that need to be fixed.

General:
-Skaa and Terris people don’t have last names.
Appearance:
-I know I haven’t finished this yet but in my Character Application Help Guide I’m coming up with the “average” height for people. A Terrisman’s average is 6’2 so you should probably take a few inches off his height.
-You might want to add how he walks, his general demeanor and any weapons he has
-Remember to include his jewelry but make sure it’s semi-hidden since Feruchemy’s a secret and he would have to hide his powers for fear of being found by an Inquisitor.
-The shirtless thing is also a bit iffy. Take into account that Shriken would have been raised to be humble and modest.
Personality:
-Okay so just a few grammar errors here. You put ‘are’ where ‘is’ goes and the same with ‘he’ and ‘his.’
-You use “he” to start sentences a lot, but this can be fixed just by changing the way you word the sentence.
-Just give it another read through and fix any thing else you see!
History:
-For this section I’m just going to put questions down.
-Was he castrated?
-Why would he follow the bandits? What could possibly move them to adopt him?
-Was the man who adopted him a leader? A regular raider? How did he treat Shriken?
-Why didn’t he kill his master before, or at least attempt to do so?
-Was the journey to Luthadel hard, perhaps with raiders chasing him? Why Luthadel and not back to Terris?
-Did he join a Crew? If so what use is he to them and how does he view his crew members?
Post-example:
-Terrispeople don’t have families. They’re all raised in breeding centers but they may spend the first few years of their lives with their mothers and siblings.

^^ Once you fix that I'll look over it again.

[Shriken Trasel]

What I meant by the family thing is that they probably don't live on their own. They probably live in small communal college style dorm things, with a main living room and other kids his age as roommates. Am I right in thinking this?
Besides that thanks for the input I'll fix what you suggested ASAP

[Preservation]

Hey! I'm looking over this for Emere now. ^^

I see one problem: the whole castration deal. Given the physical effects (Terris men are known to be unusually tall, even for Terrismen, because of the castration), that would have to happen much earlier; in most cases, fifteen would be during puberty and therefore too late to change the hormone production enough to alter their height much. That also makes sense with Terris life, since the boys are taken away to begin training when they're very young. If you really want his reproductive system intact, that's fine, but there will need to be another reason.

On another note, I really like your personality. I've seen people base characters on MBTI types (that is what you did, right? ) before, but not often, and I love how you use it to explain his thought processes and such. ^^

There's one other thing that doesn't affect your application, but that I thought I'd mention anyway. As Emere point out, you have a definite habit of starting sentences with "he" or "his," which gets a little distracting after a while. It's not much of a problem, just something to be aware of while you're writing; the more you practice rewording, the better you'll get at it. ^^ There are also a few places where sentences seem to blur together or a word is seemingly-randomly capitalized (such as "When under a great deal of stress, the He may become obsessed..."), which I suspect is simply a matter of rewriting sentences and forgetting to fully change them. (I do that all the time, so I totally understand. =P)

[Shriken Trasel]

Thank you. ;D
I actually based the personality on INTP, i.e. The Thinker.

[Ruin]

Just a tip for next time, you aren't allowed to post until you actually get the stamp below (or the equivalent). Plus, the thread you posted on is a bit old so I'm going to move it to the post library since Kel hasn't been on in forever. Just start a new thread okay! ^.^